Friederic Worshem 

          The New Guidebook for Staff

          When They've Become the Client 

 I. When the client sings, out of tune, your favorite song

    Remember that he is in the shower and that the shower

    Has a door for which you hold the key.

II.  When the clients snides beneath the germs of his breath

     That he is 'All Powerful,' gently remind the bastard of his

     Court date after which the holy fool will trample back

     To his twin bed, like a jester.

III. When the client, to your very face, spits out his tooth

     Of wisdom after biting into a pool ball he misread

     For an apple, quietly pick the tooth up and place

     it like a pearl, beneath his pillow.

IV. When the client hurls the broken remote through the T.V.

    Simply abide above his peers' many gasps and groans

    'til the room becomes 'silence,' at which point you may

    Offer the fool a seashell~along with its sound which

    Nothing makes.

V.   When the client shits in the hall and proceeds to grab you

     By the collar 'to show' you his great masterpiece,

     Calmly ask the bastard if (like you) he can already hear

     The sirens.

VI. When the client digresses to the word salad of hyperbole,

     The richer deserts of grandeur, remind and then reassure

     The lunatic that you're putting to list his every decree,

     His every proclamation which his pyschiatrist will be checking,

     Twice.

        VII.  When the same client emerges from his room which, after

               One year, has filled with coal & sticks, the smell of lice

               And urine~remind the clown that 'there's plenty more

               From where that came from.'

                 VIII.  When the client announces 'I have been cured,'

                         Merely mention the Johnson & Johnson vaccine,

                         Its infinite entourage of shots.

                  IX.   If the client announces he is 'the cure,'

                        Softly break the good news--in the voice

                        Of Kermit the Frog--that the world begs

                        To differ.

                   Y.  If the same client recants of 'being the cure'

                       Then admits to 'being the virus'

                       Peer through its soul with 1-part care,

                       2-parts disgust before revealing that,

                       Unlike the church, confessions are not

                       Welcome here.